potential.

i've noticed something about myself. after reading a good book, seeing an inspiring movie, and finding new music that really hits the spot, my mind starts running. i start thinking of different ideas about life and how it relates to mine. i listen to songs over and over because they seems to fill whatever it was i didn't know i was lacking, i keep turning pages because i can't miss out on the story, and i don't want the credits to start because i feel i have become a part of the movie. silly right? well that's me. and i'm sure it's you too or at least you've felt it before. that's why good entertainment fills the soul.

however lately all of the different songs i have found, the movie a recently watched (Saving Mr. Banks it's incredible), and the book i just turned the last page in have all made me think of a single concept. i have thought about it so much that i haven't been able to sleep and because of that here i am typing away in the room i was always a little girl in. that topic: potential. when i was a little girl i never thought i would have the experiences i have had. i thought by now i would be living in a little house with my little gang of girl friends and a few puppies that would always stay little. but as i have grown to be the still little girl i am today i have realized the potential of life in particularly two, what i think to be, key aspects.

first, the potential of learning. i have always enjoyed school and up until college i was really good at it and it came naturally. i loved solving math problems and finding how the world worked and how things reacted. i loved learning about the different cultures around the world and how differently people lived. in my junior year i was able to go to australia. my first time out of the country. i was able to meet and experience how they lived differently from what i was used to. i was able to go into a suburb and enjoy some shrimp on the barbie. it was incredible and i have kept learning through traveling. as i went into college learning took a lot more work. studying was a completely different concept than high school. i couldn't believe it. though it was hard i wanted to push myself and throughout this christmas break i think i have found why. i have an incredible amount of potential. i have been reminded over and over through reading The Book of Mormon that if i am striving to live worthily and keep the commandments that whatsoever thing i desire that is good will come to pass. maybe not the next day and maybe not for quite some time or even in this life, but it will come. i have related this to my college experience. as i strive to live worthily i better understand what i am learning. looking back on the last 3 semesters of college i have not only learned so much academically or "by the book" but i have learned a lot about myself. for instance (for some comedic relief): taking an 8 am class is really never EVER a good idea. and, in my case, studying in the library brings on some real anxiety. i get too worried about everybody because i can literally feel the stress radiating off of their body. my bed is a much safer study place. thinking of how many more classes and credits i need to take is very frightening but realizing that i have potential i haven't even discovered makes me excited for the future because i know that if i continue striving to live right i will get there.

the other one is love. yes the book i just finished by a love story. (side note: boys if you ever want to figure out a way to a woman's heart all you need to do is read a nicholas sparks book. study them like a text book and you're golden to win the girls heart. that's a real thing.) i have a few friends recently that i really believe have fallen in love. real love. not just a sissy relationship. i've watched them become much better people and make changes big and small in their lives. i have watched my parents and the incredible love they have shared for the past 26 years and how they are still incredibly happy. as i have been thinking about this i remembered a very special experience i had last summer that i would like to share. i traveled a lot last summer. i probably slept in a hotel bed more than my own. towards the end of the summer my last little get a way was to idaho to teach a clogging camp. one of the nights i was there i went with my grandma and my aunt and uncle and their kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to see the Bar J Wranglers (a fantastic western music comedy show). I have seen them many times and love it more and more each time. this time was my favorite but had nothing to do with the show. after the show closed i went out and sat on a swing waiting for the traffic to clear and my family to come out. one of my grandmas close neighbors, an elderly man, came and sat next to me on the bench. i could tell he was a little sad and remembered my grandma telling me his wife had just passed away a few months ago. for a while we sat there in silence just taking in the summer night. i heard him sniff and looked over to see a few tears roll down his cheeks. my eyes started to swell with tears and i reached for his weathered hand. that's when he started to tell me about his wife. how they met, how great she was with her different church callings and their children, and mostly how much he loved and missed her. they were married for over 50 years. i felt something i had never felt before. i knew how much this man had loved his wife but even more i felt it. i couldn't help but cry with him as he kept repeating, "i love her so much.. i miss her so much" i didn't know what to say. i had never felt so broken hearted with someone. i never knew someone could love someone so much. i have grandparents that have incredible love stories and that i know loved each other so deeply however something touched my heart that night that i will never forget. i want to love like this man loved his wife. i want others to feel my love for my spouse as strongly as i had that night on the swing. he truly gave his whole heart to love her. how is that possible? i truly believe it is because the potential we have to love. it is in each of us and it will grow over time that i think we never thought it would be possible to. it will be real, it will be pure, and it will be unlike we have ever experienced. and as we love more our potential to love will only grow more. how remarkable!

potential only grows. when there seems to be so much confusion and worry in the world this topic seems to bring me peace. as i learn more and as i love more, i gain more potential. with this potential i, and even you,  can have an impact on the world. you have dreams, go get them. you have a wonderful life full of learning and loving ahead go take it! it may and probably will not be easy but it will be worth it. you may have to let go of something you have held on to too tightly for too long but it will be worth it. because of all of this i have found more possibilities and an even greater potential.

much love,

jan

I believe.

yes this summer was insane and yes i'm pretty sure i spent more nights in a hotel bed then in my own and yes i do have an extremely long post coming with many pictures of all the adventures that i am oh so grateful for but first this is more important.

i have had quite the week. a good week. fantastic actually. my favorite day? maybe monday. which is mostly because i have very little friends that are still in utah county while the rest are saving souls around the world. and for all you mothers, missionary girl friends, and best friends, monday has possibly become the greatest day of the week. right? it's email day! and personally i check my email at least 10000 times because i LOVE getting everyones emails.

however this week has also been so great because of something i believe in. along with most of you i am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. and this week i have felt extremely loved, watched over, comforted, and cared for by my Heavenly Father.

i am currently taking two religion classes at BYU and i must say my D&C teacher rocks. each class she is so powerful and close to the spirit. there have been many things that she has said that i have needed and have had to hide the tears in my eyes. one day while doing the reading for that class the very last paragraph said "He loves you. No matter who you are or where you have come from. No matter what you have done or who you have been. He is waiting for you to come to him and no matter what has happened He is there." what a profound statement. NO MATTER what you have done He will forgive you. NO MATTER how alone you feel He is there. He knows us better than we know ourselves and is ALWAYS by our side.

i have tried to make the goal of while driving to work to try and listen to a talk from conference and the other day i chose to listen to a broadcast by President Uchtdorf at the Relief Society Broadcast in 2011 called Forget Me Not. if you haven't heard of this, listen to it. it is so so good. but my favorite part is when he reminds us, "The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow."

throughout this week these little messages of love and forgiveness have been appearing everywhere! the other night after so many more of these little lines i said a prayer thanking my Heavenly Father for not forgetting me and who i am and what i need. being a girl, feeling forgotten is quite easy. but to each of you may i say you are never alone. He is there and He is waiting.

as i have been thinking about this thought of "never alone" i have thought of all the girls i graduated with and may have done a little facebook/instagram stalking. but it's amazing to me that though many are on missions, out of state, married, or just living life, there are so many that are so supportive of eachother. from watching madeline vance talk about how great ashlyn rire was during the wedding process to cassidy vansolkema being a rock for each girl older or younger to rely on to tiffanie allen making sure each girl feels love to tori ware ashlyn rire and chelsea clayton being so supportive of eachother to annie madsen writing the best blog post about social media to skylar olsen being the cutest and one of the strongest girls i have ever met, i look up to them all and the amazing friends they are to each other. they may not realize it but i think the rest of the world might that these girls and so many more i didn't name are making sure others never feel a lone or forgotten. how lucky are we all to have a friend like that? but we must remember we can be that friend to someone else.

what a week. what a lovely week. thank you all for being someone i look up to. you all make an influence big and small.

may i just say i love the gospel of Jesus Christ. i love the comfort i feel and the joy it brings. i am not perfect but with a gospel such as this, i can be perfected. to those of you who don't feel like you are loved or feel they are a lone i give you the amazing words from my most favorite general authority, “Don’t give up, boy. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—30 years of it now, and still counting. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”


I am truly truly grateful that i know i am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and i know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ and the restored gospel i will be able to return to Them and be with my family through the eternities. what a wonderful blessings. enjoy your weekend everyone.

 

 

who am i? i am me.

i once read a blog where this girl did a little bio on her life and it was so cool. i felt like i almost knew her after reading it as if she was one of my own friends. i love blogging, more than i ever really thought i would and love to hear what people have to say about my blog. (i secretly wish i was some big time nyc blogger. how cool would that be?!) anyway. here is a little about me.

JanaLe Henderson was born in a little town called rexberg idaho. she was born into a family of two loving parents, two older brothers, and later a younger sister and a younger brother. little did she know how lucky she would be to grow up in such a family.

as a little baby she moved to orem utah by the fire station and grew up thinking she was the next power ranger and loved taking pepsi dog out for walks. she then moved to a house not too far from there and met her crew of little girl friends who were inseparable. thinking they would grow up to own houses and many animals these girls were set. life went on, broken arms were more common than the usual child, and slowly but surely she grew.

the awkward stages of jr high happened and life shifted. new friends were made, boys didn't have as much cooties as we thought, and clogging became her main thing. she became even closer to cousins and siblings and started to realize just how cool her family was.

as high school started this girl had to transition all over again. with most of her friends going to orem she secretly cried the first day of school knowing things would be so different. high school turned out not being so bad. she learned to make new friends, that family was most important, and realized life is only as good as you make it. her senior year went a little faster than she would have liked and with so many new and close friends, the summer started and turned into one full of adventure. one she'll never forget.

college came up in a blink of an eye and she learned to how hard one has to work to survive. she became so close with her roommate and came to know just how finals could be the death of someone. she tried new things such as a pageant and came closer with family.

now i, janale, a lot of the time go by jan. i have a travelers heart and love to be a helping hand. i enjoy the sunshine and being outside, clogging until my feet can't keep up with my heart, meeting new people, listening to country music, talking and laughing with friends, being with family, taco amigo, and exploring. i'm swooned by a new pair of shoes, cute clothes, athletic boys, sweet harmonies, and pina-colodas. i've had my nights of crying over boys and not being able to sleep because of pure excitement, i've made mistakes and had to ask for forgiveness, i learned who i am and continue to grow every day, i am a girl who can be shy but has my crazy times, a dreamer and believer, supporter of family bands, and just enjoys enjoying life. i dream to be a mom, travel the world, and help those around me. but most of all i just love being me.

--she turned her can nots into cans, and her dreams into plans.

miss orem. an incredible experience.

wow. what an experience! competing for miss orem was something i would have never thought i would ever do! during the opening number as we were all dancing i thought to myself, "this can't be real life! how did i get myself into this? what am i doing?!" needless to say my knees were out of control shaking!

this whole thing started in the beginning of february and since then every thursday night we got together with the amazing committee members and practiced walking, interview, dancing, etc. this pageant world is totally different than what i thought it would be. i learned so much about myself throughout this whole process. i realized i needed to have an opinion about things going on around me, i became involved in what was going on in the city, and had to stay on top of current events. those judges could ask anything they wanted to and they did just that!

by far my favorite part, and the main reason i ran, was for my platform. suicide awareness: aware to care. i have been volunteering at the utah county crisis hotline, researching, talking to teachers, trying to start clubs, and really get involved and be heard. i believe that it's the little things we do everyday that help prevent suicide. i know that it is real and i feel that it needs to be talked about instead of being pushed aside in the corner. the rates of this epidemic have risen immensely during the past year but can be stopped. a little side note, to those of you who have been effected by loved ones or someone close to you committing suicide you are not hurting alone. so many others are feeling something quite similar and are there to help you. take what you have learned and reach out to those around you, talk about it, and know you are so so loved. i promise you can make a difference big and small.

anyways. i learned so much and had a great time meeting so many amazing girls. i took first runner up, the community service award (for this i had to write a letter to the mayor about my platform), the model and composure award, and the children's network award (an award for raising money for the miss america platform). all the girls were incredible and so talented! i feel so blessed to receive the many things i did this weekend but i could have never done it with out an amazing support system. my family, lisslou for doing my hair and makeup and everything in-between, roommate (han), friends, committee members, and so many more helped me with walking, serving, confidence and so much more. i would never be where i am today without these amazing people.

and now for pictures! here's most of the ones from the night hopefully i will get the rest up on Facebook sometime soon!

--props to my cute dad!

--geting ready to go to interview!

--camille one of my most favorite people meeting doing the best of faces before the show. 

--opening number

--swim suite, probably the scariest part of it all!

--talent: clogging

--on stage question.

--waiting for the results here are the miss contestants

and now all the pictures of the best support ever! i don't have all the pictures of all of you that were there and the many there in spirit but thank you so much again!!

--right after finding out.

--cute brother of mine.

--i really have the greatest roommate ever. han thank you so so much!! you rock. (don't touch my tail you'll get it dirty)

--thank you girls so so much!

--only a fraction of the best support group out there!

--cute GiGi was so sad she couldn't come so we took a picture today instead. after this picture she looked at me with the cutest saddest face and said that with all of her princess dresses she needed a crown and was wondering if she could have mine. haha that girl kills me! 

thank you all again! i can't even describe how grateful i am to all of you! thanks for reading!

much love.

i'm grateful for the life i live.

i love this time of year! clogging competitions, general conference, weather getting warmer (sometimes), left over cadberry mini eggs, and so many great things. not to mention school is almost over which is what rocks the most. now if i can't just get through finals i will be one happy lady.

and now that march is gone here was my top three favorite things that happened:

 3: got better test scores (thank the heavens)
2: went to the jazz game for han's birthday
1: took overall with my duet in st george!

it was a wonderful month. and now looking back on it i can hardly remember what i did it flew by so fast.

anyways. i loved conference. it was great as always. jeffrey r holland is still my favorite speaker probably ever. i love the power in his voice when he talks. its inspiring really. i've tried to listen to conference talks when driving in my car and being better about reading my scriptures and its had an incredible impact on my life.

let me share a few gems i have found:

3 Nephi 27: 28-- And now I go unto the Father. And verily I say unto you, whatsoever things ye shall ask the Father in my name shall be given unto you.

3 Nephi 18:20-- And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.

3 Nephi 13: 21-- For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

all of these are about believe and receiving and for some reason lately that has really hit home for me. as i was listening to one of elder hollands talk that he gave called: broken think to mend. if you haven't heard of that talk i highly recommend it. it's a good one. but he brings up the scripture of "be not afraid only believe" and i just happened to listen to this talk before a clogging competition and i had it in my heart the whole time. since then it's become my life motto and saying that has become very special to me. even when elder holland said it in his talk today i got tears in my eyes. it's always the exact words i need to hear. how cool that there is a church that bring so much joy and comfort!

i've realized recently that i enjoy life much more when i do what i love but with the goal of sharing the light of the gospel in the things i do. now i am far from perfect and i make mistakes but life is good. oh so good. how can it not be with the family and friends i have?

i would also like to thank everyone for the support with miss orem! i have the greatest support system ever. and i'm very grateful.

so here are some pictures for you. the sunset is one i took in jamaica. by far the prettiest sunsets i have ever seen. and the second is an idea i stole for a blog i can't remember (sorry!) but i loved the idea. anyways. enjoy your sunday everybody! may you all get through the spring so we can enjoy the wonderful summer! thanks for reading!

much love.

miss orem.

family, friends, dogs, cats, cousins, roommate, and all living humans:

first. i want to thank you all for your support throughout all my life in clogging, school, and so so many other things. i've gotten so far in my life and had so many opportunities because of the amazing support system i have. i am truly blessed and beyond grateful for that.

next. i would like to ask you all a favor. i am running for miss orem. i know i know who would have thought? i didn't think i would be doing this either but i am and its been an incredible journey. my favor is this. i need votes! it is a dollar per vote and you can give as many votes as you want! all the money collected is put toward the scholarships given to the royalty. but i want to tell you first what i am doing for miss orem and what i hope to get out of it to make your vote seem a little more meaningful.

1. how did you come across doing miss orem?

well you see first i was trying to decide what i wanted to do with my life. you see, like most girls in the LDS church, after i heard about the mission change my whole plan of what i thought was a perfect idea for my future i wasn't sure what to do. i was praying, asking my parents for their advice, praying, and praying to know what to do. after weeks of doing this without really getting an answer i had a project that i was doing for a class where i needed to look up something in orem. so i googled orem. miss orem came up and i clicked on it and well felt really good about it. so i started the application and i am so glad i did.

2. what am doing now that i am in the runnins?

well you see a pageant is a lot more work than i thought. i have had to become very informed of government happenings, political stances, strong opinions, and if you know me you know that i was never really into that kind of thing and just tried to be a god citizen. but after practicing interview questions with family, friends, and sometimes even random strangers i have really had to think fast and step out of my comfort zone. i'm growing so much from it though and enjoying it a lot.

3. what is my platform?

first the platform is something you do service and get involved in the community with. its something that you think the community would benefit from and something you feel is important. so i chose aware to care: suicide prevention. i have had to do a lot of research and it has really opened my eyes and become something so important to me. i have never wanted to help people so much and i feel i have become so much more aware of those around me and doing little things that i feel may make a difference to someone. i just started volunteering at the utah county crisis hotline and holy moly. what an incredible thing! i have come to love volunteering and reaching out to others and i want to share that with others! i want people to realize that it is little things like saying hello, thank you, commenting on a picture, reaching out, and just being nice. to everyone. just think. by coming all together with this i believe together we can make a huge difference. i know this subject is hard and to many of you its been a daily challenge. i wanted to do something to maybe try and help and i think spreading awareness holds hope.

so mostly here is why i am doing it. though becoming queen would be an amazing opportunity, i love all that i have learned a long the way no matter what i place. i want to spread the love i have found to serving and reaching out to everyone and how blessed i feel to live where i live. i have been raised in orem and served my community but most of all i have been served by so many and want to give back.

whether you live in orem or not, i would still really appreciate you vote. so here is how you do it:

first go to missorem.com 
next click on peoples choice award
next scroll to my picture and hit add to cart.
here you can put in however many votes you want.
like i said, each vote is $1 and all money goes to the scholarships given out.

thank you again for reading and supporting me! i hope you all find a little way to try and reach out to those around you. it just takes something little. and really you're vote really counts.

thank you all again! much love. 

a rough start and a hopeful end.

well 2013 you have taught me a lesson already.

my family has decided that it is already 2014 and will be celebrating with some waffles and ice cream shortly. you are all invited.

it has been a rough start to the new year. just a few days in my dad was really not feeling well. my dad is one tough guy so after many days or always not feeling good my mom took him to the doctor. doctor after doctor we still weren't getting anywhere. then after an MRI they found things. I can remember sitting in the physics lab trying to get my homework done when I got a call from my mom. she started out calm asking me the regular questions then got very emotional as she told me they found lesions on my dads brain with the beginning signs of MS. (not diagnosed and still is going through many tests to figure it out) I hung up the phone picked up my things and walked to my little dorm room. As soon as I got through the doors the tears came and lots of them. I interned in the hospital and have seen what happens to MS patience. I had just heard of a lady who died because of it. I was a mess for a few days. I had never really seen my dad in pain and now it was constantly there.

Just the day before I had been sitting and doing math homework when I got a call from my mom informing me that my great aunt passed away. Someone who was like a grandma to me. Yes she was quite old and now reunited with her sweetheart but I was still a little sad that there would no longer be visits to her home and stories of her life.

This all happened in one week with the fact that my aunt was having labor contractions and was no where near close to delivering a baby that could survive. Needless to say there were many teary phone calls between me and my mom and constant worry. Not too long after that my uncle was taken in for an emergency surgery on his gallbladder when just right around new years his son (my cousin) was flown to primary children's with RSV.

It was like a never ending series of bad events. Then the microwave burned up and a light shattered almost hitting all of us in the kitchen, someone broke into Kyles bands van and stole their things, Trevor's car got towed, my dad was still going to doctor after doctor without really getting answers.

and now just a few days ago another sweet great aunt passed away and was still pretty young. after battling diabetes she passed away leaving her husband, kids, and grandkids. it was so so sad. she was an amazing example and had actually been doing really well.

so we decided it was time for a vacation. we picked up and went to vegas for the weekend. things went great! we had a lot of fun and laughed the whole time. between sprinting to make it to a show on the strip to teasing katie about everything possible it was a very good get a way and just what i think we all needed.

then yesterday happened. first you must know that i have dyslexia. it really hasn't effected me a whole lot but during college has been one of my hardest trials. i'm reading tests wrong, getting off on numbers and bubbles, forgetting negatives, etc. yesterday after taking another test and doing really awful on it i called my mom in frustration. people always have these stories where they were so hard and then they pray and come out of the testing center with a great grade. i just want that to happen once. just one time.  i study my heart out and really try to understand, ask questions, and get help in any way i can. i spend countless hours in labs and reviews and yet can never get a good score. my mom told me how we should find someone to help me more and maybe look into having the test given orally to me or find a program i can go to. now i know my mom was trying to help and just felt bad but me being selfish told her that i don't want to go somewhere or talk to someone and just have them tell me that i'm stupid. i don't think anyone wants that experience. i just wanted my hard work to pay off and to show in my test scores. i didn't want anxiety to once again ruin another grade. i didn't know what to do anymore. my sweet mom was so good about comforting me and finding somethings that might help and some other things i'm going to try put in all it was another horrible day which seem to be more frequent this year.

thankfully i do have an amazing family that is ready to fight anything that comes our way. and though we still don't really know what going on with my dad he has had some better days and my family has become even closer. i also have great friends who support me and are always there for me to talk to. and for that i am extremely grateful.

so even though this year has had the roughest and hardest of days i know that as always things will be okay. i have an amazing life that i am so thankful for. it's interesting, around my birthday i choose a "word" to live by with han. hers is rise and mine is hope. how fitting for a year like this. but i do have hope that everything will work out and that i will be okay. my mom brought up a really good point yesterday she said, "sometimes you have to go through things because you'll be able to help people in a different way because what you experienced." so i want to pass that along to all of you. though you may feel like you are climbing a mountain of troubles that is just never being conquered remember that you are going through that to help someone else along the way. because of your trails you will have an impact that changes the world for someone.

i wanted to share this little mormon message because this is what gets me through my hard days.

and this song because i have an amazing friend who made me a playlist of songs to help me on my not so great days. it's been a huge blessing and has helped so much.

and a few pictures that bring me smiles and good memories.

thanks for reading.

aware to care: dancing in heaven.

utah county lost a beautiful girl yesterday. though i never personally knew her, with her quite often visits to victoria secret i could tell she was one of a kind and lit up the whole place with her big smile. and with my roommate, hannah, dancing with her for years,  i have heard endless stories or her wonderful personality. my heart aches for her family and best friends. as i was thinking about how unreal it seemed that this could happen to such a happy girl i started to really think about things. there are many many happy people going through hard times. and maybe we don't see it but it's happening every day around us.

every year 402 utahans commit suicide while 4,152 attempt.
it is the second leading cause of death in ages 10 to 24.
3 utah youths are treated everyday for suicide attempts.
utah has one of the highest suicide rates in the U.S.

the sadness, pain, and endless questions are heart breaking. as i am sure most of you have noticed, scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and other social media, many have shared their love for Sydney and hundreds of prayers have been offered in behave of her and her family.

whether you were extra close to her or not, Sydney taught us all a lesson in her own special way. hold your family a little closer, love your friends a little more, be a little kinder. the community has come together in an amazing way to celebrate the life of the beautiful girl.

now let us all take this lesson. let's be AWARE TO CARE. "be kind to people, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

give a smile to someone you walk by, post a nice comment on a picture or Facebook wall, give a sincere compliment and look them in the eye, give a hug, really listen when someone is talking to you, reach out a little more, invite someone who may be alone to join your friends. the difference YOU can have is literally life changing in some people's lives. and all you have to do are little, simple things everyday.

i don't know about you but yesterday i noticed all the things i take for granted and just how precious life is. and now i'm making a promise to myself to reach out to others a little bit more, be a little friendlier, and most importantly remember i am a daughter of a heavenly father who loves me and he loves YOU just the same. the love i feel from Him i want to spread to each person i meet.

it's one smile. one, "how are you doing today?", one text saying you were thinking about them and how much they mean to you, one small think that makes a world of difference.

though i didn't know her super well, this one is for Sydney who lit up every room she walked into, put a smile on each persons face, and danced to her own lively song. may she always be in our hearts, and let us never forget her amazing impact.

spread the love here on earth while she does it in heaven and all around us with her continuing spirit.

you and your family are in mine and so many others prayer's.

may we all strive to reach out more, be a little kinder, and may Syd's smile shine on forever.

wednesday reminders.

along this college journey of mine i have learned so so much. this semester is definitely already killing me but i'm pulling through. this past week has been a bit rough especially. school, work, clogging, homework, sleep. repeat. repeat. repeat. i have a lot of things planned for the summer and upcoming fall (i'll post about that later) but for some reason i feel like i have been dragging. like when you are in the airport and you have a big backpack, a bag you need to check and another carry on bag. as you literally stumble through the sliding doors and then you go through luggage and security and of course usually something goes wrong there and you have to take off your shoes and the last time you swore you were going to wear something easier or not pack so much but that never works and you start doing that light jog to the gate because you are worried something maybe wrong but you really have to go to the bathroom and by the time you get settled in that seat you are feeling like a gold medalist! well today i'm feeling like that a girl carrying way too much luggage into the airport.

i was doing some homework and it was going ok but then i started going through old pictures. the times when i was little without a care in the world, the times i thought i was just the coolest girl on the block, the senior year meeting a ton of new friends, summer tans and chlorinated hair, and i started crying. i'm a big baby i know.

as i was looking through all these pictures and wiping at my tears because it's been a rough couple of days i couldn't help but think, why can't i just be happy like that again? why are some things so hard? why do we have certain trials? am i doing the right things?

i don't know why bad or hard things happen. but i do know i'm doing the right things and that i am still that happy girl. i have it so easy compared to some. and if God didn't think i was strong enough to over come a certain trial he wouldn't have given it to me. i'm very lucky when i really think about it. and i have it so good. sometimes it's just hard and thats ok.

random tangent: for a while now i have just not really wanted to write. i used to write in a journal everyday. i never missed for a whole 2 years. it was my pride and joy. i stopped because i felt like i was writing about dumb things and it started to get negative. but now that i have gone through so many experiences and things like that i need start a journal again. my blog has been great but there are just those little things you don't want to share to the world. i thought about this for a long time the other night and a thought came to my head. How does one keep so many things locked into your head whether they are the good or the bad and let the boil up until you explode? I need to write. Thus, i will be starting my next journal.

what i'm trying to say is somedays we are going to feel as if the tears don't ever end, where we are just too exhausted from everything going on, where you want to just sleep through your morning classes and not get ready for the day, and they may be just plain awful. but on those same days find your favorite picture of you and your family or when you where little, put on your favorite song, say a little prayer, and i promise it'll be ok.

just remember: if God didn't think you could do it, he wouldn't put you through it.

the henderson home

If you walked in to the Henderson Home,
You'd find kids growing up to be teens, to adults, to be on their own.
You'd walk through the front door and smell,
love, laughter, and the stories we tell.
You would see the front room and the piano there,
taught to kids by a mother with care.
You would then walk into the kitchen, grabbing a fruit snack is a must,
the TV would be on with SportsCenter and the Raiders who probably lost.
The ground would be shaking from the music coming from downstairs,
for there's never a time in this home when an instrument is not blared.
Although the best part about this home,
is when the family sits together and no one is alone.
We sit and talk, laugh, and maybe even cry,
for some of us got our mother's teary eyes.
We sit and talk of memories of the past
and create new ones that will always last.
This home is open and welcome to anyone who enters,
some may think of it as the homeless food center.
You'll always be loved in the Henderson place,
for our mom always says we can find some space.
We wouldn't make it through with out help from above,
and in our home the number one rule is love.

i love my house. over the holidays it was so good to be home. from playing dance central to FIFA it was quite the competition. and this year everyone was home! we served breakfast at midnight on new years eve and i'm pretty sure we hit a new record of people being in that house. my parents are awesome and always so so supportive. maybe some of you reading this have been inside my house and grabbed a fruit snack or two and i hope you have felt the special feeling in our home. and if you would like, comment or email me with a favorite memory! i would love to read them.

as they say.. "home is where the heart is"

much love.

the power of music and words.

i'm sure you have heard these two phrases many times: there are power in words. music has a special way of expressing an emotion.

sometimes when i write on this blog i wonder how other people will read it. as weird as this sounds i want them/you to feel how i feel when I'm writing. i want them/you to know how important, passionate, etc. i am about the things i write about. i know i'm not an amazing writer and that my grammar is at a level of a solid zero but i do love to write. so i'm going to try a little something. you can play by the rules or just read along it's really up to you.

before i talk about something i'll have a song before the paragraph (youtube video) press play on the video then keep reading. it's as simple as that. maybe this will work and maybe it won't but i'm going to try it. it'll be sad, funny, and hopefully a little inspirational or something.

here we go:

have you ever sat you in your bed really late into the night and reflected on all the things that have happened in the last six months, year, week, etc. and wondered where time has gone and just cried? or maybe even laugh at a memory that was completely stupid but for some reason that night you couldn't stop laughing about it? and you think about the boy or that girl or your best friend and miss them. you feel like sometimes no one understands and you would do anything to go back and live that time all over again? i guess its true when people say you don't know what you have until it's gone. but thats why you have to live in each moment and make the most of it. now you could decide to sit in that bed and cry and never let yourself move on or you could remember all those things with a smile and i'm not saying push away those feelings, let yourself feel, but remember to smile. at one hard time in my life my whole family was gathered around and my grandma was talking about how hard it was that my grandpa had died and she found a little note in her scriptures that said "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" that has been my motto and now when things happen i decide to make the most of it instead of thinking too much or whatever i usually do and let me tell you it's lead to a much happier me. bad things still happen but it means there is still a whole lot of good to come.

this christmas break was amazing. one of the best i will say. i worked a lot, spent time with friends, and enjoyed every second of being with my family. we went to a cabin in Heber where all the Idaho family came in as well and played our christmas game and played dance central until late into the night, watched incredible sunsets, and then on sunday it was just the henderson clan of eight. we sang to my parents for their anniversary and just talked. it was lovely. time much needed. other than that i've just mostly been working. a lot. it's a good thing i love the girls i work with and how much fun we have together. it's awesome. my friends are great too. we didn't do anything crazy this break. but spent late late nights watching movies, playing wackee six or commotion, going to temple square, and probably many other things i am forgetting but it was so nice having a break from school and just being able to hang out. all those boys will be leaving soon for the mission. i'm sure going to miss them. i've been living at home for the break. back in my room which i was in when i was little. it's funny to see all the little pictures and trophies and seeing how far i have come. i really love living at home. it's nice. i don't have to wait for the cannon to be open to get food. my mom makes amazing meals and its just nice to be home. really nice. i'm going to miss it actually. but i guess thats the thing we all have to get used to. new homes and stuff. at least i will have one to always come back to.

 for a while now i have been trying to decide what i'm going to do with my life. i know what career i want to go into, pretty sure about my degree, and everything like that but i want to do more. ever since i was little i have wanted to travel the world. even if it meant i had to live out of a suitcase for the rest of my life! i love seeing new places, learning how people live in different places around the world and everything that goes a long with that. but ever since that whole mission announcement i have had no idea what i am going to do. missions are great great things. and so i started really praying to know if that is what i'm supposed to do and never really got an answer. i'm not going to lie it's been really really hard. so i decided to talk to my brother and my mom about it. as we talked my brother decided to read me one of his favorite scriptures. and the feeling i got while he was reading was just what i was looking for. so where will i be going next? well i have a few different things in mind. i really want to learn a language or get better with spanish, i want to go help kids in orphanages, maybe do a study abroad in europe. you best believe i will be saving all my money and pennies. because i'm going to be seeing the world. and helping people. but as far as a mission goes.. well maybe that will happen a little later. i guess we will just have to see how things go! thank goodness for supporting family. and a wonderful, much needed christmas break.

thanks for reading. now you try!

much love.