potential.

i've noticed something about myself. after reading a good book, seeing an inspiring movie, and finding new music that really hits the spot, my mind starts running. i start thinking of different ideas about life and how it relates to mine. i listen to songs over and over because they seems to fill whatever it was i didn't know i was lacking, i keep turning pages because i can't miss out on the story, and i don't want the credits to start because i feel i have become a part of the movie. silly right? well that's me. and i'm sure it's you too or at least you've felt it before. that's why good entertainment fills the soul.

however lately all of the different songs i have found, the movie a recently watched (Saving Mr. Banks it's incredible), and the book i just turned the last page in have all made me think of a single concept. i have thought about it so much that i haven't been able to sleep and because of that here i am typing away in the room i was always a little girl in. that topic: potential. when i was a little girl i never thought i would have the experiences i have had. i thought by now i would be living in a little house with my little gang of girl friends and a few puppies that would always stay little. but as i have grown to be the still little girl i am today i have realized the potential of life in particularly two, what i think to be, key aspects.

first, the potential of learning. i have always enjoyed school and up until college i was really good at it and it came naturally. i loved solving math problems and finding how the world worked and how things reacted. i loved learning about the different cultures around the world and how differently people lived. in my junior year i was able to go to australia. my first time out of the country. i was able to meet and experience how they lived differently from what i was used to. i was able to go into a suburb and enjoy some shrimp on the barbie. it was incredible and i have kept learning through traveling. as i went into college learning took a lot more work. studying was a completely different concept than high school. i couldn't believe it. though it was hard i wanted to push myself and throughout this christmas break i think i have found why. i have an incredible amount of potential. i have been reminded over and over through reading The Book of Mormon that if i am striving to live worthily and keep the commandments that whatsoever thing i desire that is good will come to pass. maybe not the next day and maybe not for quite some time or even in this life, but it will come. i have related this to my college experience. as i strive to live worthily i better understand what i am learning. looking back on the last 3 semesters of college i have not only learned so much academically or "by the book" but i have learned a lot about myself. for instance (for some comedic relief): taking an 8 am class is really never EVER a good idea. and, in my case, studying in the library brings on some real anxiety. i get too worried about everybody because i can literally feel the stress radiating off of their body. my bed is a much safer study place. thinking of how many more classes and credits i need to take is very frightening but realizing that i have potential i haven't even discovered makes me excited for the future because i know that if i continue striving to live right i will get there.

the other one is love. yes the book i just finished by a love story. (side note: boys if you ever want to figure out a way to a woman's heart all you need to do is read a nicholas sparks book. study them like a text book and you're golden to win the girls heart. that's a real thing.) i have a few friends recently that i really believe have fallen in love. real love. not just a sissy relationship. i've watched them become much better people and make changes big and small in their lives. i have watched my parents and the incredible love they have shared for the past 26 years and how they are still incredibly happy. as i have been thinking about this i remembered a very special experience i had last summer that i would like to share. i traveled a lot last summer. i probably slept in a hotel bed more than my own. towards the end of the summer my last little get a way was to idaho to teach a clogging camp. one of the nights i was there i went with my grandma and my aunt and uncle and their kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to see the Bar J Wranglers (a fantastic western music comedy show). I have seen them many times and love it more and more each time. this time was my favorite but had nothing to do with the show. after the show closed i went out and sat on a swing waiting for the traffic to clear and my family to come out. one of my grandmas close neighbors, an elderly man, came and sat next to me on the bench. i could tell he was a little sad and remembered my grandma telling me his wife had just passed away a few months ago. for a while we sat there in silence just taking in the summer night. i heard him sniff and looked over to see a few tears roll down his cheeks. my eyes started to swell with tears and i reached for his weathered hand. that's when he started to tell me about his wife. how they met, how great she was with her different church callings and their children, and mostly how much he loved and missed her. they were married for over 50 years. i felt something i had never felt before. i knew how much this man had loved his wife but even more i felt it. i couldn't help but cry with him as he kept repeating, "i love her so much.. i miss her so much" i didn't know what to say. i had never felt so broken hearted with someone. i never knew someone could love someone so much. i have grandparents that have incredible love stories and that i know loved each other so deeply however something touched my heart that night that i will never forget. i want to love like this man loved his wife. i want others to feel my love for my spouse as strongly as i had that night on the swing. he truly gave his whole heart to love her. how is that possible? i truly believe it is because the potential we have to love. it is in each of us and it will grow over time that i think we never thought it would be possible to. it will be real, it will be pure, and it will be unlike we have ever experienced. and as we love more our potential to love will only grow more. how remarkable!

potential only grows. when there seems to be so much confusion and worry in the world this topic seems to bring me peace. as i learn more and as i love more, i gain more potential. with this potential i, and even you,  can have an impact on the world. you have dreams, go get them. you have a wonderful life full of learning and loving ahead go take it! it may and probably will not be easy but it will be worth it. you may have to let go of something you have held on to too tightly for too long but it will be worth it. because of all of this i have found more possibilities and an even greater potential.

much love,

jan