wednesday reminders.

along this college journey of mine i have learned so so much. this semester is definitely already killing me but i'm pulling through. this past week has been a bit rough especially. school, work, clogging, homework, sleep. repeat. repeat. repeat. i have a lot of things planned for the summer and upcoming fall (i'll post about that later) but for some reason i feel like i have been dragging. like when you are in the airport and you have a big backpack, a bag you need to check and another carry on bag. as you literally stumble through the sliding doors and then you go through luggage and security and of course usually something goes wrong there and you have to take off your shoes and the last time you swore you were going to wear something easier or not pack so much but that never works and you start doing that light jog to the gate because you are worried something maybe wrong but you really have to go to the bathroom and by the time you get settled in that seat you are feeling like a gold medalist! well today i'm feeling like that a girl carrying way too much luggage into the airport.

i was doing some homework and it was going ok but then i started going through old pictures. the times when i was little without a care in the world, the times i thought i was just the coolest girl on the block, the senior year meeting a ton of new friends, summer tans and chlorinated hair, and i started crying. i'm a big baby i know.

as i was looking through all these pictures and wiping at my tears because it's been a rough couple of days i couldn't help but think, why can't i just be happy like that again? why are some things so hard? why do we have certain trials? am i doing the right things?

i don't know why bad or hard things happen. but i do know i'm doing the right things and that i am still that happy girl. i have it so easy compared to some. and if God didn't think i was strong enough to over come a certain trial he wouldn't have given it to me. i'm very lucky when i really think about it. and i have it so good. sometimes it's just hard and thats ok.

random tangent: for a while now i have just not really wanted to write. i used to write in a journal everyday. i never missed for a whole 2 years. it was my pride and joy. i stopped because i felt like i was writing about dumb things and it started to get negative. but now that i have gone through so many experiences and things like that i need start a journal again. my blog has been great but there are just those little things you don't want to share to the world. i thought about this for a long time the other night and a thought came to my head. How does one keep so many things locked into your head whether they are the good or the bad and let the boil up until you explode? I need to write. Thus, i will be starting my next journal.

what i'm trying to say is somedays we are going to feel as if the tears don't ever end, where we are just too exhausted from everything going on, where you want to just sleep through your morning classes and not get ready for the day, and they may be just plain awful. but on those same days find your favorite picture of you and your family or when you where little, put on your favorite song, say a little prayer, and i promise it'll be ok.

just remember: if God didn't think you could do it, he wouldn't put you through it.