i am weak.

there you go. i have said it. something so hard to confess sometimes. weak: Lacking the power to perform physically demanding tasks; lacking physical strength and energy (can also be used in an emotional form). 


thats how i feel today. so you know what i did?


listened to- near to you by a fine frenzy, dream by priscilla ah, awake my soul by mumford and sons, each coming night by iron and wine, night minds by missy higgins, and all those other slow sad songs. some take me back to memories that i consider my favorite. 


i also laid in my bed. i love my bed. my bed holds tears, secrets, and never ending comfort. it doesn't judge and it's always there. call me crazy but when i'm having a rough day or even the best day ever i can't wait until i get to go to bed. 


and then.. i cried. and i let myself feel it. my cheeks soaked in the salty tears rolling down and my soul soaked in the heartbreak, amazing memories, and emotions that for too long i haven't allowed myself to feel. 


in one of my recent posts i talked about how many times someone will read a blog or look at pictures and wish they were happy like them but in reality all of us are hurting we just don't let it show. well i guess today you get to see me hurting. 


i'm nervous to move out, i miss a boy, i'm afraid of college, my skin decided to break out (i thought that ended with high school..), my room is messing, i'm sad for almost no reason at all, i miss my mom, i miss january, i miss my grandpa, i'm nervous.


life is sometimes really hard but thank goodness for the times that make it all worth it. because today is a hard day and thats ok. 


so today:
i'm going to clean my room and my car, i'm going to put on a favorite outfit, i'm not going to do my hair, i'm going to go to salt lake, i'm going to clog and maybe even dance in my room to my sad songs for the soul playlist, i'm going to drive in the rain and sing my heart out, and if i feel like i need to cry again i'm going to. because today i'm going to let myself soak in all the emotions. i'm going to feel. 

life is good, just not always easy. and thats an important part in paving my life. much love.