wednesday reminders.

along this college journey of mine i have learned so so much. this semester is definitely already killing me but i'm pulling through. this past week has been a bit rough especially. school, work, clogging, homework, sleep. repeat. repeat. repeat. i have a lot of things planned for the summer and upcoming fall (i'll post about that later) but for some reason i feel like i have been dragging. like when you are in the airport and you have a big backpack, a bag you need to check and another carry on bag. as you literally stumble through the sliding doors and then you go through luggage and security and of course usually something goes wrong there and you have to take off your shoes and the last time you swore you were going to wear something easier or not pack so much but that never works and you start doing that light jog to the gate because you are worried something maybe wrong but you really have to go to the bathroom and by the time you get settled in that seat you are feeling like a gold medalist! well today i'm feeling like that a girl carrying way too much luggage into the airport.

i was doing some homework and it was going ok but then i started going through old pictures. the times when i was little without a care in the world, the times i thought i was just the coolest girl on the block, the senior year meeting a ton of new friends, summer tans and chlorinated hair, and i started crying. i'm a big baby i know.

as i was looking through all these pictures and wiping at my tears because it's been a rough couple of days i couldn't help but think, why can't i just be happy like that again? why are some things so hard? why do we have certain trials? am i doing the right things?

i don't know why bad or hard things happen. but i do know i'm doing the right things and that i am still that happy girl. i have it so easy compared to some. and if God didn't think i was strong enough to over come a certain trial he wouldn't have given it to me. i'm very lucky when i really think about it. and i have it so good. sometimes it's just hard and thats ok.

random tangent: for a while now i have just not really wanted to write. i used to write in a journal everyday. i never missed for a whole 2 years. it was my pride and joy. i stopped because i felt like i was writing about dumb things and it started to get negative. but now that i have gone through so many experiences and things like that i need start a journal again. my blog has been great but there are just those little things you don't want to share to the world. i thought about this for a long time the other night and a thought came to my head. How does one keep so many things locked into your head whether they are the good or the bad and let the boil up until you explode? I need to write. Thus, i will be starting my next journal.

what i'm trying to say is somedays we are going to feel as if the tears don't ever end, where we are just too exhausted from everything going on, where you want to just sleep through your morning classes and not get ready for the day, and they may be just plain awful. but on those same days find your favorite picture of you and your family or when you where little, put on your favorite song, say a little prayer, and i promise it'll be ok.

just remember: if God didn't think you could do it, he wouldn't put you through it.

the henderson home

If you walked in to the Henderson Home,
You'd find kids growing up to be teens, to adults, to be on their own.
You'd walk through the front door and smell,
love, laughter, and the stories we tell.
You would see the front room and the piano there,
taught to kids by a mother with care.
You would then walk into the kitchen, grabbing a fruit snack is a must,
the TV would be on with SportsCenter and the Raiders who probably lost.
The ground would be shaking from the music coming from downstairs,
for there's never a time in this home when an instrument is not blared.
Although the best part about this home,
is when the family sits together and no one is alone.
We sit and talk, laugh, and maybe even cry,
for some of us got our mother's teary eyes.
We sit and talk of memories of the past
and create new ones that will always last.
This home is open and welcome to anyone who enters,
some may think of it as the homeless food center.
You'll always be loved in the Henderson place,
for our mom always says we can find some space.
We wouldn't make it through with out help from above,
and in our home the number one rule is love.

i love my house. over the holidays it was so good to be home. from playing dance central to FIFA it was quite the competition. and this year everyone was home! we served breakfast at midnight on new years eve and i'm pretty sure we hit a new record of people being in that house. my parents are awesome and always so so supportive. maybe some of you reading this have been inside my house and grabbed a fruit snack or two and i hope you have felt the special feeling in our home. and if you would like, comment or email me with a favorite memory! i would love to read them.

as they say.. "home is where the heart is"

much love.

the power of music and words.

i'm sure you have heard these two phrases many times: there are power in words. music has a special way of expressing an emotion.

sometimes when i write on this blog i wonder how other people will read it. as weird as this sounds i want them/you to feel how i feel when I'm writing. i want them/you to know how important, passionate, etc. i am about the things i write about. i know i'm not an amazing writer and that my grammar is at a level of a solid zero but i do love to write. so i'm going to try a little something. you can play by the rules or just read along it's really up to you.

before i talk about something i'll have a song before the paragraph (youtube video) press play on the video then keep reading. it's as simple as that. maybe this will work and maybe it won't but i'm going to try it. it'll be sad, funny, and hopefully a little inspirational or something.

here we go:

have you ever sat you in your bed really late into the night and reflected on all the things that have happened in the last six months, year, week, etc. and wondered where time has gone and just cried? or maybe even laugh at a memory that was completely stupid but for some reason that night you couldn't stop laughing about it? and you think about the boy or that girl or your best friend and miss them. you feel like sometimes no one understands and you would do anything to go back and live that time all over again? i guess its true when people say you don't know what you have until it's gone. but thats why you have to live in each moment and make the most of it. now you could decide to sit in that bed and cry and never let yourself move on or you could remember all those things with a smile and i'm not saying push away those feelings, let yourself feel, but remember to smile. at one hard time in my life my whole family was gathered around and my grandma was talking about how hard it was that my grandpa had died and she found a little note in her scriptures that said "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" that has been my motto and now when things happen i decide to make the most of it instead of thinking too much or whatever i usually do and let me tell you it's lead to a much happier me. bad things still happen but it means there is still a whole lot of good to come.

this christmas break was amazing. one of the best i will say. i worked a lot, spent time with friends, and enjoyed every second of being with my family. we went to a cabin in Heber where all the Idaho family came in as well and played our christmas game and played dance central until late into the night, watched incredible sunsets, and then on sunday it was just the henderson clan of eight. we sang to my parents for their anniversary and just talked. it was lovely. time much needed. other than that i've just mostly been working. a lot. it's a good thing i love the girls i work with and how much fun we have together. it's awesome. my friends are great too. we didn't do anything crazy this break. but spent late late nights watching movies, playing wackee six or commotion, going to temple square, and probably many other things i am forgetting but it was so nice having a break from school and just being able to hang out. all those boys will be leaving soon for the mission. i'm sure going to miss them. i've been living at home for the break. back in my room which i was in when i was little. it's funny to see all the little pictures and trophies and seeing how far i have come. i really love living at home. it's nice. i don't have to wait for the cannon to be open to get food. my mom makes amazing meals and its just nice to be home. really nice. i'm going to miss it actually. but i guess thats the thing we all have to get used to. new homes and stuff. at least i will have one to always come back to.

 for a while now i have been trying to decide what i'm going to do with my life. i know what career i want to go into, pretty sure about my degree, and everything like that but i want to do more. ever since i was little i have wanted to travel the world. even if it meant i had to live out of a suitcase for the rest of my life! i love seeing new places, learning how people live in different places around the world and everything that goes a long with that. but ever since that whole mission announcement i have had no idea what i am going to do. missions are great great things. and so i started really praying to know if that is what i'm supposed to do and never really got an answer. i'm not going to lie it's been really really hard. so i decided to talk to my brother and my mom about it. as we talked my brother decided to read me one of his favorite scriptures. and the feeling i got while he was reading was just what i was looking for. so where will i be going next? well i have a few different things in mind. i really want to learn a language or get better with spanish, i want to go help kids in orphanages, maybe do a study abroad in europe. you best believe i will be saving all my money and pennies. because i'm going to be seeing the world. and helping people. but as far as a mission goes.. well maybe that will happen a little later. i guess we will just have to see how things go! thank goodness for supporting family. and a wonderful, much needed christmas break.

thanks for reading. now you try!

much love.