miss orem.

family, friends, dogs, cats, cousins, roommate, and all living humans:

first. i want to thank you all for your support throughout all my life in clogging, school, and so so many other things. i've gotten so far in my life and had so many opportunities because of the amazing support system i have. i am truly blessed and beyond grateful for that.

next. i would like to ask you all a favor. i am running for miss orem. i know i know who would have thought? i didn't think i would be doing this either but i am and its been an incredible journey. my favor is this. i need votes! it is a dollar per vote and you can give as many votes as you want! all the money collected is put toward the scholarships given to the royalty. but i want to tell you first what i am doing for miss orem and what i hope to get out of it to make your vote seem a little more meaningful.

1. how did you come across doing miss orem?

well you see first i was trying to decide what i wanted to do with my life. you see, like most girls in the LDS church, after i heard about the mission change my whole plan of what i thought was a perfect idea for my future i wasn't sure what to do. i was praying, asking my parents for their advice, praying, and praying to know what to do. after weeks of doing this without really getting an answer i had a project that i was doing for a class where i needed to look up something in orem. so i googled orem. miss orem came up and i clicked on it and well felt really good about it. so i started the application and i am so glad i did.

2. what am doing now that i am in the runnins?

well you see a pageant is a lot more work than i thought. i have had to become very informed of government happenings, political stances, strong opinions, and if you know me you know that i was never really into that kind of thing and just tried to be a god citizen. but after practicing interview questions with family, friends, and sometimes even random strangers i have really had to think fast and step out of my comfort zone. i'm growing so much from it though and enjoying it a lot.

3. what is my platform?

first the platform is something you do service and get involved in the community with. its something that you think the community would benefit from and something you feel is important. so i chose aware to care: suicide prevention. i have had to do a lot of research and it has really opened my eyes and become something so important to me. i have never wanted to help people so much and i feel i have become so much more aware of those around me and doing little things that i feel may make a difference to someone. i just started volunteering at the utah county crisis hotline and holy moly. what an incredible thing! i have come to love volunteering and reaching out to others and i want to share that with others! i want people to realize that it is little things like saying hello, thank you, commenting on a picture, reaching out, and just being nice. to everyone. just think. by coming all together with this i believe together we can make a huge difference. i know this subject is hard and to many of you its been a daily challenge. i wanted to do something to maybe try and help and i think spreading awareness holds hope.

so mostly here is why i am doing it. though becoming queen would be an amazing opportunity, i love all that i have learned a long the way no matter what i place. i want to spread the love i have found to serving and reaching out to everyone and how blessed i feel to live where i live. i have been raised in orem and served my community but most of all i have been served by so many and want to give back.

whether you live in orem or not, i would still really appreciate you vote. so here is how you do it:

first go to missorem.com 
next click on peoples choice award
next scroll to my picture and hit add to cart.
here you can put in however many votes you want.
like i said, each vote is $1 and all money goes to the scholarships given out.

thank you again for reading and supporting me! i hope you all find a little way to try and reach out to those around you. it just takes something little. and really you're vote really counts.

thank you all again! much love. 

a rough start and a hopeful end.

well 2013 you have taught me a lesson already.

my family has decided that it is already 2014 and will be celebrating with some waffles and ice cream shortly. you are all invited.

it has been a rough start to the new year. just a few days in my dad was really not feeling well. my dad is one tough guy so after many days or always not feeling good my mom took him to the doctor. doctor after doctor we still weren't getting anywhere. then after an MRI they found things. I can remember sitting in the physics lab trying to get my homework done when I got a call from my mom. she started out calm asking me the regular questions then got very emotional as she told me they found lesions on my dads brain with the beginning signs of MS. (not diagnosed and still is going through many tests to figure it out) I hung up the phone picked up my things and walked to my little dorm room. As soon as I got through the doors the tears came and lots of them. I interned in the hospital and have seen what happens to MS patience. I had just heard of a lady who died because of it. I was a mess for a few days. I had never really seen my dad in pain and now it was constantly there.

Just the day before I had been sitting and doing math homework when I got a call from my mom informing me that my great aunt passed away. Someone who was like a grandma to me. Yes she was quite old and now reunited with her sweetheart but I was still a little sad that there would no longer be visits to her home and stories of her life.

This all happened in one week with the fact that my aunt was having labor contractions and was no where near close to delivering a baby that could survive. Needless to say there were many teary phone calls between me and my mom and constant worry. Not too long after that my uncle was taken in for an emergency surgery on his gallbladder when just right around new years his son (my cousin) was flown to primary children's with RSV.

It was like a never ending series of bad events. Then the microwave burned up and a light shattered almost hitting all of us in the kitchen, someone broke into Kyles bands van and stole their things, Trevor's car got towed, my dad was still going to doctor after doctor without really getting answers.

and now just a few days ago another sweet great aunt passed away and was still pretty young. after battling diabetes she passed away leaving her husband, kids, and grandkids. it was so so sad. she was an amazing example and had actually been doing really well.

so we decided it was time for a vacation. we picked up and went to vegas for the weekend. things went great! we had a lot of fun and laughed the whole time. between sprinting to make it to a show on the strip to teasing katie about everything possible it was a very good get a way and just what i think we all needed.

then yesterday happened. first you must know that i have dyslexia. it really hasn't effected me a whole lot but during college has been one of my hardest trials. i'm reading tests wrong, getting off on numbers and bubbles, forgetting negatives, etc. yesterday after taking another test and doing really awful on it i called my mom in frustration. people always have these stories where they were so hard and then they pray and come out of the testing center with a great grade. i just want that to happen once. just one time.  i study my heart out and really try to understand, ask questions, and get help in any way i can. i spend countless hours in labs and reviews and yet can never get a good score. my mom told me how we should find someone to help me more and maybe look into having the test given orally to me or find a program i can go to. now i know my mom was trying to help and just felt bad but me being selfish told her that i don't want to go somewhere or talk to someone and just have them tell me that i'm stupid. i don't think anyone wants that experience. i just wanted my hard work to pay off and to show in my test scores. i didn't want anxiety to once again ruin another grade. i didn't know what to do anymore. my sweet mom was so good about comforting me and finding somethings that might help and some other things i'm going to try put in all it was another horrible day which seem to be more frequent this year.

thankfully i do have an amazing family that is ready to fight anything that comes our way. and though we still don't really know what going on with my dad he has had some better days and my family has become even closer. i also have great friends who support me and are always there for me to talk to. and for that i am extremely grateful.

so even though this year has had the roughest and hardest of days i know that as always things will be okay. i have an amazing life that i am so thankful for. it's interesting, around my birthday i choose a "word" to live by with han. hers is rise and mine is hope. how fitting for a year like this. but i do have hope that everything will work out and that i will be okay. my mom brought up a really good point yesterday she said, "sometimes you have to go through things because you'll be able to help people in a different way because what you experienced." so i want to pass that along to all of you. though you may feel like you are climbing a mountain of troubles that is just never being conquered remember that you are going through that to help someone else along the way. because of your trails you will have an impact that changes the world for someone.

i wanted to share this little mormon message because this is what gets me through my hard days.

and this song because i have an amazing friend who made me a playlist of songs to help me on my not so great days. it's been a huge blessing and has helped so much.

and a few pictures that bring me smiles and good memories.

thanks for reading.

aware to care: dancing in heaven.

utah county lost a beautiful girl yesterday. though i never personally knew her, with her quite often visits to victoria secret i could tell she was one of a kind and lit up the whole place with her big smile. and with my roommate, hannah, dancing with her for years,  i have heard endless stories or her wonderful personality. my heart aches for her family and best friends. as i was thinking about how unreal it seemed that this could happen to such a happy girl i started to really think about things. there are many many happy people going through hard times. and maybe we don't see it but it's happening every day around us.

every year 402 utahans commit suicide while 4,152 attempt.
it is the second leading cause of death in ages 10 to 24.
3 utah youths are treated everyday for suicide attempts.
utah has one of the highest suicide rates in the U.S.

the sadness, pain, and endless questions are heart breaking. as i am sure most of you have noticed, scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and other social media, many have shared their love for Sydney and hundreds of prayers have been offered in behave of her and her family.

whether you were extra close to her or not, Sydney taught us all a lesson in her own special way. hold your family a little closer, love your friends a little more, be a little kinder. the community has come together in an amazing way to celebrate the life of the beautiful girl.

now let us all take this lesson. let's be AWARE TO CARE. "be kind to people, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

give a smile to someone you walk by, post a nice comment on a picture or Facebook wall, give a sincere compliment and look them in the eye, give a hug, really listen when someone is talking to you, reach out a little more, invite someone who may be alone to join your friends. the difference YOU can have is literally life changing in some people's lives. and all you have to do are little, simple things everyday.

i don't know about you but yesterday i noticed all the things i take for granted and just how precious life is. and now i'm making a promise to myself to reach out to others a little bit more, be a little friendlier, and most importantly remember i am a daughter of a heavenly father who loves me and he loves YOU just the same. the love i feel from Him i want to spread to each person i meet.

it's one smile. one, "how are you doing today?", one text saying you were thinking about them and how much they mean to you, one small think that makes a world of difference.

though i didn't know her super well, this one is for Sydney who lit up every room she walked into, put a smile on each persons face, and danced to her own lively song. may she always be in our hearts, and let us never forget her amazing impact.

spread the love here on earth while she does it in heaven and all around us with her continuing spirit.

you and your family are in mine and so many others prayer's.

may we all strive to reach out more, be a little kinder, and may Syd's smile shine on forever.

wednesday reminders.

along this college journey of mine i have learned so so much. this semester is definitely already killing me but i'm pulling through. this past week has been a bit rough especially. school, work, clogging, homework, sleep. repeat. repeat. repeat. i have a lot of things planned for the summer and upcoming fall (i'll post about that later) but for some reason i feel like i have been dragging. like when you are in the airport and you have a big backpack, a bag you need to check and another carry on bag. as you literally stumble through the sliding doors and then you go through luggage and security and of course usually something goes wrong there and you have to take off your shoes and the last time you swore you were going to wear something easier or not pack so much but that never works and you start doing that light jog to the gate because you are worried something maybe wrong but you really have to go to the bathroom and by the time you get settled in that seat you are feeling like a gold medalist! well today i'm feeling like that a girl carrying way too much luggage into the airport.

i was doing some homework and it was going ok but then i started going through old pictures. the times when i was little without a care in the world, the times i thought i was just the coolest girl on the block, the senior year meeting a ton of new friends, summer tans and chlorinated hair, and i started crying. i'm a big baby i know.

as i was looking through all these pictures and wiping at my tears because it's been a rough couple of days i couldn't help but think, why can't i just be happy like that again? why are some things so hard? why do we have certain trials? am i doing the right things?

i don't know why bad or hard things happen. but i do know i'm doing the right things and that i am still that happy girl. i have it so easy compared to some. and if God didn't think i was strong enough to over come a certain trial he wouldn't have given it to me. i'm very lucky when i really think about it. and i have it so good. sometimes it's just hard and thats ok.

random tangent: for a while now i have just not really wanted to write. i used to write in a journal everyday. i never missed for a whole 2 years. it was my pride and joy. i stopped because i felt like i was writing about dumb things and it started to get negative. but now that i have gone through so many experiences and things like that i need start a journal again. my blog has been great but there are just those little things you don't want to share to the world. i thought about this for a long time the other night and a thought came to my head. How does one keep so many things locked into your head whether they are the good or the bad and let the boil up until you explode? I need to write. Thus, i will be starting my next journal.

what i'm trying to say is somedays we are going to feel as if the tears don't ever end, where we are just too exhausted from everything going on, where you want to just sleep through your morning classes and not get ready for the day, and they may be just plain awful. but on those same days find your favorite picture of you and your family or when you where little, put on your favorite song, say a little prayer, and i promise it'll be ok.

just remember: if God didn't think you could do it, he wouldn't put you through it.